Friday, March 11, 2011

Fungus Friday – Da Dok’s Drippy fing

Ok, I know it’s called an ‘Urty Syringe, but I like alliteration.

So, the current codex describes the ‘Urty Syringe as being filled with a “virulent toxic goop”.  But what is this “goop” made from?  Why is it poison to ‘umies, and not to da boyz?  Well, one can only speculate.   Let’s look at what we do know. 

We know the orkoid race is fungus based.  We know that the orks utilize fungi whenever possible, and if not, then they use squigs  (which themselves are fungus based.)  We know that the ork dok’s (or painboys) have a perfunctory knowledge of their patients, often resulting in disastrous results for the, patient.  Although these results often time ensue some hilarity among their ork peers, they are not without their usefulness in one way or another.  (We will touch on these “upgrades” and “serjuries” in a new weekly article beginning in April!)  We also know that the doks don’t use any anesthetic. 
We know that the ‘urty syringe got its name from the ork boyz who fell victim to the dok as they needed medical attention.  (Which is, saying a lot because most of the ork boyz try to avoid seeing the dok as long as possible since the patient requiring the treatment is more apt to come out of the dok’s tent with an extra appendage, or worse, an exploding cranium when all they really wanted was their foot looked at.  But, this article is about the tool, not the wielder…

So, what then is the ‘urty syringe?  What function does it serve?  One can only speculate. 

The ‘urty syringe is a huge syringe (even by ork standards) that injects the orks with the goop that is often times carried in a vat on the back of a painboy.  Imagine a syringe that is used for a spinal tap, that is about the size of a small ‘urty syringe.  (About 8-10” long, or 18-25cm for our metric friends.)  This makes a formidable weapon as well as a tool of medicine.   (Orks never miss an opportunity to fight, and if that’s what the dok has at the time, then that is what he uses.  Funny thing is, it often times kills the enemy with a minimum of fuss.  (Imagine the doks disappointed face as “it happened again, robbed of a good scrap”.) 

I am sure that when not fighting or working on a paying customer, the dok is doing what doks love to do best, experiment!  I am sure there is high turnaround of grot orderlies in the dok’s tent.  As the dok experiments on them, and they find they aren’t cut out for that particular job. 

Utilizing various fungi, the dok figures out how different fungi react within an ork’s body.  The red ones probably make the ork run faster.  Imagine how these sessions must go…
“Dis one does dat, da uvver one does makes ‘im breave bettah, and dis one ah, skip it, I fink its more proppa if I just install da kickin’ legs on ‘im.  Now, Grabnatz, give me da pinchas!” 

You were hoping that I could shed some light on what the toxic goop is?  Sorry to disappoint you my friends, but I am in the same boat your are in.  I have pretty much the same information.  And we can only guess…

So, what do you think the goop is?  Steroids?  How about pure orkish adrenaline? (Like the orks need more of that!)  Thoughts?

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